So You Want to Buy AI for Your Company: A Satirical Buyer's Guide

A satirical guide walks through the bewildering menu of enterprise AI options, name-dropping Gemini 4 Hydrogen, Claude Sonnet 5.5, Opus 5.2, DeepSeek R1 and V4, GLM 5.3 Flash, GPT-6.0 Terra and Sol, Qwen 3.8 MoE and Kimi K. It cites benchmark scores such as Opus 5.2's 94.8 versus Mythos 5.2's 96.1, and GPT-6.0 Terra's 98.2 on the Enterprise Productivity Benchmark against Sol's 99.1 at $14,000 a month.